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There’s something I often get asked.

“How did you get through the menopause?”

And the honest answer is - I didn’t sail through it.

But I got through it.

In actual fact I was so relieved when it came.

I had years of painful periods behind me, so when that chapter closed, it felt like a release. 

A soft ending to something my body had carried for a long time.

But that doesn’t mean it was easy.

• There were the hot flushes.

• The sleepless nights.

• The restless legs.

• The brain fog.

• All the physical things we hear about.

What I don’t think we talk about enough is everything else.

Because this isn’t just physical

Menopause is a transition.

Not just in the body, but in how you feel, how you think, how you respond to life.

It can feel like everything is shifting under your feet.

• There can be moments of uncertainty.

• Moments where you don’t quite recognise yourself.

• Tears that come out of nowhere.

• Exhaustion that doesn’t make sense.

And then… the fire.

Oh yes - the fire!

The Fire that Rises

For some women, there is a fierceness that starts to come through.

A kind of  “I’m not putting up with this anymore.”

The things you used to tolerate, you suddenly can’t.

The things you used to stay quiet about, you start to speak.

And yes, sometimes that can come out as anger.

Sometimes it comes out quickly.
Unexpectedly.
Without much warning.

And it can feel uncomfortable, especially if you’re not used to expressing it.

But here’s a different way of looking at it.

What if that fire isn’t something to suppress?

What if it’s something to understand?  Or at least try to.

Not Everything Needs To Be Pushed Down

There’s a temptation to try and calm it all, quiet it all, smooth it over.

But menopause can be a time where things rise up to be seen.

• Almost like a clearing.

• A decluttering of your life.

• Old patterns.

• Old ways of being.

• Old relationships that no longer feel right

  
  

And yes, sometimes relationships shift, or even fall away.

Not because something has gone wrong, but because something within you has changed.

You begin to stand in yourself differently.

You begin to speak your truth.

And that can feel unsettling.

When Intimacy Changes

There’s something else that can happen during menopause that we don’t always talk about openly.

Your relationship with intimacy can change.

For some women, the desire just isn’t there in the same way.

For others, it can feel like it’s disappeared altogether for a while.

And sometimes, it’s not even something you can explain.

You might love your partner deeply, but still find yourself thinking:

“I just don’t want to be touched right now.”

And that can feel confusing.

But if this is happening for you, please hear this -

It’s normal.

It’s part of the changes your body and hormones are moving through.

It’s not something you’re doing wrong.

And it doesn’t mean it’s gone forever.

For many women, it returns again in time, often in a different way,
on their own terms.

Being Supported Through It

This is also where having a thoughtful and understanding partner really matters.

Because if someone hasn’t experienced this, they may not fully understand what’s happening for you.

And that can lead to frustration on both sides.

I’ve been there.

When you’re already navigating everything that’s changing within you,
the last thing you need is someone getting frustrated with you for something you can’t help.

This isn’t something you can just switch back on.

You’re moving through a phase.

A transition.

So sometimes, it may mean gently explaining that.

Letting them know:

“This isn’t about you.  It’s just where I am right now.”

Because what you need during this time is understanding, compassion and support - not pressure.

So What Do You Do With It All?

First,  be gentle with yourself.

You are not “too much.”
You are not “losing it.”

You are moving through something.

And instead of pushing it all away, you might begin to get curious about it.

If anger comes up, ask yourself why.

Is something being crossed?
Is something no longer acceptable to you?

Journaling can help here. Not to fix anything, but to understand what is rising.

Because often, there is something underneath it that wants your attention.

And here is the thing, you may never understand why you are feeling the way you are.  Life can feel so illogical when you are going through the menopause.  

Emotions can be at all time highs, all time lows and the spaces in between too.   You just can’t help it or control them.  

And why should you?  

We shouldn’t have to suppress things just to keep others happy and stop them from feeling uncomfortable. 

It is just how it is and how your body, your mind and you are riding this change.

Alongside All Of This The Practical Side Matters Too

Looking after your body during this time makes a difference.

If I’m honest, looking back, I would have done more of this.

• I would have listened to my body more.

• I would have rested more.

• I would have cut out sugar and alcohol then, rather than years later. 

Simple things can help more than you think.

• Drinking more water.

• Noticing what triggers your symptoms (spicy food, caffeine, alcohol).

• Adjusting how you move your body, rather than pushing through.

And then there’s support.

Personally I didn’t take HRT.  I very rarely take any medicines so that was never on the cards for me. 

Instead I used to visit a herbalist, who would mix up the most awful tasting concoctions, but they did help.

So it’s worth exploring what support feels right for you.

That might be natural support, supplements, or something else.

Just take your time, do your research, and check what works alongside anything else you may be taking.

For me, now, I would say:

Look at things like magnesium, collagen, biotin, cod liver oil.

Hair can really change after menopause — becoming thinner or coarser — and biotin can help support that.

It’s one of those things I would start earlier if I could go back.

The Small, Practical Things Matter Too

Sometimes it’s the simplest changes that make the biggest difference.

Separate duvets at night can help with temperature changes.

Even separate beds for a while or longer if it works for you.

I am way past the menopause now, 11 years in fact, and I still prefer to sleep apart from my partner. 

And no that doesn’t mean anything is wrong, on the contrary, things have never been better. 

It just means you’re getting some sleep. And sleep matters.

You would be surprised about how many people are doing this. It is often listed as one of the main reasons why a partnership succeeds.

“Embrace it, darling.”

This was something said to me once.

And it stayed.

Instead of fighting it -  simply allow it.

A hot flush comes and passes.
A restless night and morning still arrives, take an afternoon nap if you can.

It is not something to battle, you won’t win anyway so what is the point.  (It is like King Canute trying to hold back the tide, it will never work).  

Instead it is something to move with.

Stepping Into Something New

On the other side of this chapter something shifts.

You step into a different kind of energy.

We sometimes call it the crone — and I know that word doesn’t always land softly, but what it holds is something powerful.

• A woman who has lived.

• Who knows.

• Who no longer needs to prove.

There can be a quiet strength here.

A deeper certainty.

A sense of yourself that feels more solid.

More sure than ever before. 

Less ‘giving a fuck’ energy.

Feminine power in its own right.

Go Gently

If you are in this season of your life, go gently.

• You don’t have to do this perfectly.

• You don’t have to have it all figured out.

• There is no “right way” to move through menopause.

Only your way.

And it will pass.

And you will come out the other side.